Tonopah Rob's Vegetable Farm

Meeeow, my name is Juneyur and me and my wicked sharp claws are hijacking the blog today. I’ve been out here running through the Karrotz attacking all that moves; I am the King of the Karrotz! I am super Kitty, I can leap over chicken wire in a single bound and land on your back defying gravity as I hold on like Spiderman on the side of a building. Those amateurs in Twilight have nothing on my mad night hunting skills, I am the true master of darkness. I not need heavy eyebrows to impress you, I have kitty teeth sharpened to needle precise injectors of pain, har, har, har, wait until you feel my fangs in your ankle, you poor mortal. I am also worlds greatest romantic, do you think Robert Pattinson purrrs like me, is warm and furry like me (and I don’t mean the eyebrows), can cuddle like me? I am so sad though, my night vision is already getting rusty and I’m still only a kitty. You see, the farmer whose blog you have come here to read has been keeping me hostage at night. I’ve tried escaping, but nothing works. I run and pounce on walls, crawling halfway up to the ceiling before jumping off and landing on his ancient and deaf Methuselah cat who I am running down – so I rule the indoors as I do the outdoors because, like I told you, I am super Kitty – hear me roar. But this night situation I am not liking, I must escape. Don’t write me telling me to meow louder, hear me now and believe me later I have tried meowing like a screaming diva but this stupid farmer man holds me tighter. True, it is warm laying next to his neck catching a few zzz’s here and there but he shouldn’t fool himself, I am at his neck and I Googled jugular vein and I swear if the yummy food stops, someone is going to find my right foot, third claw signing Juneyur through that thin flesh. Don’t get the wrong impression, I am not here just to complain or proclaim my greatness, although I know you sense my greatness because as I paw words into the keyboard I feel my powers becoming stronger – muahaha. Actually I am here on the internet because Mr. Farm Breath is out picking my beloved Karrotz and says he doesn’t have time to come in here and tell you kind people (one who I am sure will rescue me) what vegetables I won’t have destroyed before this weekend. So here is what old whats-his-name thinks might survive my claws of evil:

• Catnip
• Furry Toy
• Giant can of Friskies – Sea Captains Choice!
• and all this yucky crap the walking fur ball is growing such as:
• Diakon Radishes
• Watermelon Radishes
• Red Radishes
• Grapefruit
• Spinach
• Chard
• Tonopah Salad Mix
• more Catnip
• Salad Sweeties
• Cilantro
• Assorted Peppers and catnip
• Mustard Greens
• Fresh Eggs
• Dates
• Tomatoes
• Karrotz
• Winter Squash
• Dill
• Rosemary
• Dude, don’t forget the CATNIP
• Maybe some broccoli, lemons, and beets depending on the weather.

So come out to the farm on Saturday because if you were planning to go to the Ace Hardware parking lot on Sunday you won’t find me there, you must come to the farm and help me escape – and bring me some catnip, will ya? Instructions on where to find me can be had by calling 623-386-3033 but remember that while I can paw all this stuff into the computer I still only speak meow. Just be patient when I answer, I’ll try to meow slowly.

P.S. One more thing, those stupid catz on the internet with the “I can has cheezeburger” routine, come on, seriously what kind of silly catz are they? I live out here where I can has all the gopherz I can eatz.